What a day ...

Today ..... I really feel demoralise, feeling so down .... I do not know what happen but  deep down I think  I am helpless ..... I feel that I am useless and  now  I do feel there is no reason for me to stay in the service  if it is just for the sake  of  working for 8 to 5.

This year is going to be my 21 years of service. I know  I have been staying long  in the service and  it is now the best time for me to think  about retiring and I think  I will go for that. Next week  on the 24th of May it is  going to be my  43rd  birthday.  Do I have to admit that I am already old? Do I have to admit that  there no any way  I can excel in my career or service? Do I have to admit that now I can consider myself as  'kain buruk'? I don't know.

What I can say I still want to give my service to my nation, I love what I'm doing now but  I hate it when  what I'm doing now is work, work, work ... or  I am not smart enough  to  attend short courses overseas ....yeah maybe because I am female officer ... and there is nothing  that can  be proud of  as a female officer. Nothing... WANITA  TIADA KARISMA  CIRI-CIRI  PEMIMPIN YANG BOLEH DIKETENGAHKAN KE PERINGKAT LEBIH TINGGI....what is happening now.

Yeah, I know  I am not the kind of  female officer that the organization can be proud of. I know I am just  like a stone not a diamond in the service. I don't know. I don't want to stay in the service just  for the  matter to work ... to got  every month pay .... I want to do more to my  country ....

it is true that  when  that is the words from  our big boss .... we the ladies  should  think hard ... who  we are and  what  is our aim ...but no .... nobody want to discuss... so let it be .... i cannot join them, so i  leave them.

Now its the time for me to think about  another  career, 21 years  I am  in the service, I cherish  every moment .....mmm now what to do ...

I am not happy with myself because my English is so teruk. When I read  blogs of  Annie, Helen, Mummy Rokiah and daughter of A.Samad Ismail.....I had realised my English is very poor .... don't blame it to the rain, don't blame it to others. That is my own fault ... I never serious in doing what ever things to.